Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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