Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
