In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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