just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
