this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i dont even know how to be here
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize