It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
