why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
