I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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