All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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