She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
