He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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