Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
