We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
