Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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