i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
