Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
