i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
