Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
