I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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