Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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