why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
