Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Come on in and take your pants off
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