Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
