I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
