I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
