My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
