that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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