Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
