you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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