i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
