Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
