So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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