If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
