Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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