just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
