Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
