I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
