sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
