EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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