As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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