the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
