her facebook's as public as her vagina
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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