discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize