I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
