I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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