I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
