I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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