I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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