I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
