FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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