I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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