Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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