Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
