so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
