How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
