so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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