I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
