Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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