Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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