It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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