He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize