At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
