You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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