She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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