Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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