I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
