Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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