I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
