meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am available for nakedness
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
